NBA Playoffs: Full Contact!

What's up with all these "ballers" getting flagrant in the NBA Playoffs? Do these guys realize that basketball is a "non-contact" sport? Here are my proposed solutions to the issue.

Solution #1: Remove the travelling rule. It's not like the refs call it anyway. Then you ammend the rules to allow fighting. Only one-on-one fighting with both guys standing, you know, like hockey. Next, throw down a slab of ice, put some boards around it and a hoop at each end. All that's left is teaching these guys how to skate. Now you can toss guys into the scorers table...errr boards, trip somebody trying to drive the lane or even knock a guy down when he comes to the top of the key. I know what you're thinking. "How do we have a dunk contest on skates? What about the revenue and ratings the NBA would lose without the Dunk Contest?" Simple! Pair these guys up with figure skaters who can teach them to jump. Wouldn't it be fun to see someone attempt an off-the-backboard-triple-salchow dunk? While blindfolded? Over another player? (Yes, I know that Marshall's family plays a game similar to this on an episode of "How I Met Your Mother." I just filled in some blanks.) If that doesn't work, they could always have an off-season nationwide tour of Thugs on Ice!!! The Musical!!!


Solution #2: Replace David "Notso" Stern with a guy who doesn't take anything from anybody. Someone who won't even tolerate a player being "rebellion in the scrip club." That's right, bring in Roger Goodell. I know he's busy with the NFL, that's why you make him co-commissioner. The other commish? Dana White. Then, ammend the rule book to say that ANY player receiving a flagrant foul will have to face a UFC fighter at halftime of their next nationally televised game. That might help some of these guys realize that they are NOT hockey players. It also provides better ratings for the games with UFC fights at halftime. Personally, I can't wait for the first match.

Solution #3: Stop throwing, tripping, body checking, slapping and elbowing guys with malice. Play basketball! That way, when a team loses nobody can blame it on one of their top guys being suspended for a game because they couldn't keep their hands off another guy.

I vote for #2.